


Cancer

by PsychoKillerWolf



Category: the GazettE
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Cancer, Character Death, GazettE - Freeform, Heavy Angst, M/M, MCR, Major Illness, Major character death - Freeform, Sad, Visual Kei, ruki - Freeform, thegazette, uruha - Freeform, uruha ruki, uruha x ruki, uruki - Freeform, vkei
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2019-03-06 19:28:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13418070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PsychoKillerWolf/pseuds/PsychoKillerWolf
Summary: Uruha's thoughts during his days at the hospital





	Cancer

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments with your thoughts would be much appreciated~

_Go. Turn away. Because things are not the same anymore. Because life won't be the same. It won't be at all. Please forgive me for being so pathetic, but I can't help it._

 

_I need a drink. You'd be glad to know that for the first time in forever, I don't seek alchohol. You always used to yell at me for drinking so much, remember? And yet, now that I only ask for water, you're sad. Your eyes are red and teary for my lips are chapped, small, lifeless. The usual rosy colour is gone, replaced by a pale tone to match the rest of my face and body. The only colour there is now is the dark red liquid that comes out of my skin now and then. But don't worry sweetheart, it doesn't hurt anymore._

 

 _You are so strange. All these years all you'd ever do was tease me, joke and then laugh. And I'd always join because your laugh was the best thing I've ever heared._  
_Remember when you used to wake me up when I was falling asleep in places I wasn't supposed to? Then you'd smile down at me, call me an idiot. 'Your idiot' I'd reply and you'd agree._

 

 _You don't dare to wake me up anymore, because you're scared. Scared that things might get worse and it'll be your fault. You always blame yourself Taka. Even when you know you did nothing wrong._  
_Here you are now. Helping my family pack my things. You try to cheer them up along with all our friends and the rest of thr band, when yourself are barely able to stand on your feet from the sadness._

 

_You don't laugh at me or tease me anymore. You respect me. So much I fuckin' hate it. I miss the devilish playful Ruki. I miss him so much._

 

_Your sweetness hasn't changed. You always bring me flowers. Violas to be exact, because I like the colour. Did you know violet is actually the colour of death and loss? It's ironic isn't it?_

 

_I inhale the aroma and even though I can't smell anymore I tell you how amazing the Violas smell because I want you to be happy. You know better though, and you can see through my pathetic attempts and yet you say nothing. I'm so sorry._

 

_You even brought me my old guitar. I played a little and you sang along. You're trying your best to make my days less miserable even though I don't deserve this. Thank you._

 

_And when I dare to tell you that I want to be buried on a sunny day, with violas and colours and music, you swear and yell at me to shut up. You keep telling me I'm going to be fine, but you know it's not true. You so desperately want to make yourself believe it though so I only smile and agree._

 

_I want to kiss you, to feel your warm full of life lips against my slowly fading ones but I won't. Because you'll realise there's no hope. Because that would be a kiss goodbye and I hate goodbyes. Especially when it comes to you baby. Because it's the hardest thing in the world to know I'm leaving you._

 

_Time slowly passes. Oh Takanori, I wish you'd stop visiting me for I'm such a mess. I plead you to turn away and leave without looking back but you stay. And god I'm so embarrassed because I look awful. I really never thought I was good looking but now I am the actual definition of ugly._

 

_Disgusting. I am way skinnier than I used to be, my eyes are dull, there are almost no hairs on my head anymore. And I'm just so soggy and torn from all the chemichals they give me. I'm not even able to look into the mirror and yet there you are, wrapping your arms around me and calling me fuckin' beautiful. It breaks me inside and I want to cry but I am literally unable to tear up from all the dehydration. All I can do is sob painfully as I bury my heavy head into your warm and comforting neck._

 

 _I can't do this anymore. I just wish it would be over. You're sleeping on a chair next to my medical bed and I am so damn angry at myself for being unable to sleep. As the lonely hours pass I just wonder how many days I have left. You're so mad_ _at me for counting them. But this is not living. It's not. And every passing second I feel that I'm only being a bigger burden than before._

 

 _It's not fair, you say. You finally had me and now you're loosing me. I keep saying how sorry I am but there's nothing I can do. All I can think is the happy memories we made and how many new we could have..._  
_Now we're never going to laugh and drink and love again._

 

_Why can't you see Taka? I'm not good for you. I'm done for. And I just wish you'd be sick of me already. You deserve the best my love and I'm the exact opposite of it. So please don't waste your tears and breath and life-force for something like me. Yes, something. I'm not a human being anymore. I'm merely a distant memory, slowly fading away in the ashes of who I used to be._

 

_All I have now is my love for you but why do you still keep your love for me? Why are you making things so hard for me? For you? Leave me before it's too late. For leaving you knowing you don't want me to is too much for my weak heart. Despite my attempts, you stay by my side till the very end of course. You never listen to what I say. I think it's one of the reasons I've loved you so much. Even though it hurts I'm an egoist, secretly glad that you're here. Bringing me so much happiness and pain at the same time. Thank you for being part of my life. A small shine lighting my dark world._

 

_There are no days left to count._

 

_I'm sorry I left you._


End file.
